Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
