my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
