Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
