I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wear drunk well.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
