Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
