I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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