her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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