i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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