At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
