I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's paper in my vomit.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
