Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
