You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
