my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
