I would go down on you faster than GM stock
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
