I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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