I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
