Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
