he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
