You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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