Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
