im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this will be a night to untag.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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