did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
