How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
