I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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