you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
