No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
