What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
