I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can you repeat that, but with context?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
