at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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