Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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