we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
