i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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