Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
