All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
