mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
