thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
