Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
