you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
