Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
