Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
