We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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