this boner is exhausting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
