I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk is not a location!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
