smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
