Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
