Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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