i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
