I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
