I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
