apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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