Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
