How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize